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Counter-offers: think before you resign

A counter-offer can feel flattering. It’s also a test of judgment. Most counter-offers exist to avoid the cost and disruption of replacing you. Plan first, decide calmly, and act with intent.

Before you resign: get the full picture

Talk to someone you trust and map your prospects.

  • Sense-check your market value. Speak with a recruiter who knows your niche. What roles, rates, and timelines are realistic for you?
  • Test your “why”. Write your top three reasons for moving. Are they about pay, growth, culture, manager, workload, location, mission?
  • Ask for change early. If staying could work, have a direct conversation with your manager before you resign. Be clear on what must change and by when.
  • Set your decision parameters. Agree what a good outcome looks like (e.g., new scope, promotion path, flexibility). If those aren’t met, you move.

Rule of thumb: if you’d stay for X, ask for X now. Don’t resign in order to start negotiations.

What a counter-offer usually means

Counter-offers are an act of damage control.

  • Your employer wants to avoid replacement cost and delivery risk.
  • They may offer money now while the underlying issues (scope, team, leadership, pace, recognition) remain.
  • Remember, if nothing material changes except salary, the original reasons you’re leaving will resurface.

The psychology behind leaving (and why counter-offers tempt you)

Understand the mind games, so you can decide with clarity.

  • Loss aversion: in your mind, you’ll exaggerate what you might lose (team, ease of commute etc) vs what you could gain (growth, progress, energy).
  • Status quo bias: staying always feels safer — even if it’s not better.
  • Sunk cost fallacy: “I’ve invested years here” isn’t a reason to invest more.
  • Reciprocity and guilt: a flattering offer triggers obligation. Remember: you already earned your value.
  • Identity and meaning: if you’re not sure of your purpose and goals, cash alone won’t fix the problem.

Decision scorecard

Let’s rate the roles. Score each item 1–5 for current role (with counter-offer) vs your new offer.

  • Scope & impact
  • Learning & progression (6–12 months)
  • Manager & sponsorship
  • Team culture & ways of working
  • Mission fit
  • Pay, benefits, and risk (probation vs stability)
  • Work/life setup (location, flexibility)
  • Reputation and CV story

If the new role wins on most of these, honour your original decision.

If you receive a counter-offer

Stay calm, get specifics, and compare like-for-like.

  • Ask for the details in writing: salary, title, reporting line, scope, promotion path, review dates.
  • Probe for permanence: “Is this a one-off fix or a structural change?”
  • Check the timing: when would the changes take effect? Who signs them off?
  • Assess trust: why did it take a resignation to unlock this? What will be different in three months?

Red flags

  • “We’ll sort it later.”
  • No change in role, team, or manager — just cash.
  • Vague promises without dates or owners.
  • Pressure tactics (“you’re letting the team down”).

When accepting a counter-offer can make sense

It’s rare, but possible to thrive with a counter offer — but that starts with making it concrete. Any offer must involve:

  • A clear role redesign or team move that fixes the core issues.
  • A named sponsor, agreed milestones, and review dates in writing.
  • Compensation aligned to market, not a short-term sticking plaster.
  • The feeling you’ll be thriving in the role for the next 12–18 months.

Protect your reputation either way

  • Keep your word and your timelines.
  • Maintain goodwill; future references matter.
  • If you stay, deliver on the new plan. If you go, leave the house tidy.